


My Darling Dreamer

by RBBLivvy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bossy Louis, Bottom Harry, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Dream Telepathy, Dreams, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirting, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Handcuffs, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Louis, Jealousy, Louis has a twin, M/M, PDA, Panic Attacks, Past minor character death, Pet Names, Psychic, Smut, Soulmates, Soulmates AU, Top Louis, WIP, they make out in front of their friends a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:08:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24097102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RBBLivvy/pseuds/RBBLivvy
Summary: “You still love him, don’t you?” And Louis knows the answer already, he would know even if his dreams hadn’t given it away. Because when Louis has his Harry dreams, he can feel the bittersweet emotion of loving someone who only destroys you.“I can’t help it, Lou,” Harry says brokenly as tears start to slip down his face.“H, hey come here,” Louis says as he tightens his arms around him impossibly more. Harry just burrows his face deeper into Louis’ chest. Any anger Louis had can be dealt with later, right now his best friend needs him. And he’d die before he let Harry feel alone._______Or the Soulmate friends with benefits AU where Louis has been having weird dreams lately about Harry, Harry is clinging onto feelings for his ex in order to escape his feelings for Louis, and Louis puts the fate of his love life in the hands of a psychic.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Male Character(s), Liam Payne/Original Female Character(s), Zayn Malik/Original Nonbinary Character
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	1. Oh, We’re Not Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Previously Your Lover or Your Shoulder To Cry On but that was way too long) Song title from Sleepwalker by Logan Henderson.

Louis wakes up with a jolt as an obnoxiously loud noise floods through his apartment.

 _I don’t remember falling asleep on the couch,_ Louis thinks as he rubs at his eyes and slowly makes his way to the door. He briefly wonders who the hell is knocking at his door in the middle of the night as he cracks the door open and pokes his head out. He almost passes out in shock when he sees Harry’s ex-boyfriend Sam standing in the hall.

“Sam?” Louis questions, “What the hell are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?” He looks down the hallway confused, half expecting Harry to pop out from around the corner, but it's just Sam.

“You invited me here?” Sam says, a flash of confusion clouding his face before he breaks into a shit-eating grin.

“I absolutely did not...why would I invite you over?” Despite not remembering inviting Sam, Louis steps out of the way to let him in.

“What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve been inviting me over to fuck almost every night for the past week. I was literally here last night.”

Louis’ eyes go wide as he stares at Sam in disbelief. He has no idea why Sam is joking with him like that, let alone why he's there in the first place. They hardly even talked when Sam was Harry’s boyfriend, let alone after they broke up.

Louis brushes his fingers through his hair in frustration, but something feels weird about his hair; it's curly. He looks down at his hands in confusion and yelps when he notices his tattoos are gone and replaced by Harry’s tattoos.

Suddenly, another obnoxious noise rips through the apartment and Louis springs up out of his own bed. His heart is pounding in his ears as he tries to make sense of what just happened. He looks down at his arms and his tattoos are back to normal.

“That was a fucking weird dream,” He whispers to himself, a feeling of relief flooding through his body.

*****

The breeze is significantly warmer than it normally is on a late February afternoon, however it's still pretty cold.

Louis hops from one foot to another, trying to keep warm as he yells at his football players.

“Lads! Let’s move, my grandma can run faster than this! And she’s dead!” Louis isn’t known for being an easy coach. When he first accepted the position as assistant coach for his former high school’s football team, he had been almost too easy on the players which caused them to get lazy and have an awful season. He’s learned from his mistakes over the past three years. His players respect him more for it though.

“Mate, let up, they’re doing fine,” Liam grumbles beside him. It causes Louis to jump, Liam hadn’t been there a second ago.

Liam is the team’s head coach and also one of Louis’ best mates. Liam and Louis have a good cop bad cop way of running the team. Liam is the good cop but he can still be tough if needed.

“Fine doesn’t win games Liam!”

“Fair enough then,” Liam says with a shrug and lets it go, “Are you coming out tonight?”

“Payno, I come out every night, I’ll be there.”

“Good, cuz I want you to meet Emmie!”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world mate! Oh, and don't let me forget to tell you about last night's dream,” Louis says as he turns his attention back to the pitch.

*******

Louis pushes the door open to the noisy bar that night. The wind whips against the door, causing Louis to have to yank it shut with all of his strength.  
He hears a loud chuckle and searches for the source of the noise. He rolls his eyes and flicks off the culprit, none other than his prick of a best friend, Harry Styles.

Harry flicks him off back as he takes a sip of his vodka cranberry and smirks, tightening his grip on the girl on his arm.

“Hey Elsie,” Louis says to the girl, Elsie, and pointedly ignores the tall lad, “Awh, thanks Lou,” She preens at the compliment, “Decided to try a new makeup look tonight-”

“You mean I did a new makeup look for you..” Harry interrupts her, not about to let her take credit for her new look. Elsie gives him a glare for interrupting her. “I'm normally too shy to try a red lip, but I figured why not? It’s a special occasion.”

“What’s the occasion?” Louis questions, his eyebrow popping up under his fringe.

“It’s Friday!” Elsie giggles.

The boys both bark out a laugh as Harry adds, “Cheers to that!”

“I don’t have anything to cheers, assholes! I’ll be right back, meet me at the booth, yeah?” Louis turns and makes his way up to the bar, he can tell Harry is following closely behind. He smirks to himself and purposefully sways his hips more than he usually would.

He tries to push through to get the bartender’s attention, but his height causes him to not be as easily seen. Just then, he feels hands on either side of his hips, knowing it's Harry without needing to even turn around. Harry rests his chin over Louis’ shoulder.

“It’s on me babe, what are you having?” He whisper-shouts in Louis’ ear. Loud enough to be heard over the music, but quiet enough for only Louis to hear. It sends shivers down Louis’ spine, it's clear Harry is aware of the effect, as he smirks and breathes a chuckle out of his nose.

“I’ve been craving a Lemon Drop all week,” Louis responds. Harry just looks at him with a quirked eyebrow in silent judgement, but Louis rolls his eyes, “Are you gonna get me what I want or not?”

Harry leans in closer and whispers, “I’ll give you anything you want, baby, just say the word.”

“Gross…” Louis says and wiggles out of Harry’s embrace. Harry just laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Go sit, I'll get your drink,” Harry says as he playfully shoves Louis toward the booth that their group of friends is currently at.

Their friends are all gathered around their normal table which Louis is pretty sure Niall doesn’t let any other customers sit at. Niall is the owner of the Irishman Pub, and their group of friends hang out there almost every night.

As he approaches the table, he can hear Zayn and Liam in yet another heated argument. To an onlooker, it seems the two hate each other. The friends don’t really understand why they yell at each other about every random thing, but they're all used to it by now.

“I’m not being selfish, my car is just way more expensive than yours!” Zayn yells across the booth at Liam. Liam looks like he's going to throw his drink at Zayn. He probably would if he wasn’t trying to impress his new girlfriend.

Louis rolls his eyes and sits next to Elsie. She lays her head on Louis’ shoulder and explains to him what Zayn and Liam are arguing about. Apparently Liam took the last parking spot and Zayn had to park on the street. Zayn is serious when it comes to his car, and he's always worried someone will hit it if it's parked on the street.

“You’re so self-entitled Zayn! It’s a car! You didn’t even buy it, Lennox did!” The gang suddenly gets quiet at the mention of Zayn’s spouse. Everyone knows Liam doesn’t particularly care for Lennox, but when he brings it up it's usually only to piss Zayn off. The argument is about to get more intense and the friends don’t exactly want them to continue fighting, but they also aren’t going to stop it.

“That’s why it's so important Liam, I got it for our 1st anniversary! You know this!” Zayn yells, clearly getting even more mad, realizing the argument is about to turn ugly.

“Just more proof you married them for their money…” Liam’s eyes went wide as he said it, instantly regretting the words that came out of his mouth. Louis sighed under his breath and him and Elsie exchanged a concerned look. Zayn just shook his head and took a long sip of his beer, probably trying to calm himself down before he did something stupid like slap Liam. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

“Liam, that was so uncalled for!” Louis yells.

“What the fuck Liam?” Niall agrees. Liam’s girlfriend Emmie had an awkward look on her face and the whole situation was so absurd that Louis almost wanted to laugh.

“You need to apologize, Li. That’s fucked up.” Elsie adds. 

“Alright, I’m sorry I implied you’re a gold digger, Zayn. But I won’t apologize for taking the last parking spot.”

“You're a dick, Liam.” Zayn replies.

“Alright lads, what did I miss?” Harry asks as he places his and Louis’ drink on the table and scoots into the booth.

Louis instinctively moves closer to Harry as he sits down. The group starts up a new conversation to distract Zayn and Liam from wanting to kill each other.

“Took you long enough, Haz,” Louis says only loud enough for Harry to hear. He picks up his drink and chugs, realizing he needs more alcohol to put up with his friends’ shit.

“The reason it took so long was because some girl was hitting on me and I didn’t know what to do.”

“You poor thing, how did you possibly escape her?” It's impossible for Louis to hold in his laugh, Harry is just so ridiculous sometimes. Harry, being the completely mature full grown adult that he is full on pouts at Louis.

“Don’t patronize me, you know I’m bad with this stuff” Harry breathes out. It's obvious Harry is trying not to smile though, committing to the fake-hurt look he's giving Louis.

Louis just keeps laughing at his best friend. It's too fun not to mock Harry, Louis loves nothing more than riling him up.

“Bad with what? Getting girls to not drop at your feet?” Louis can’t help but think it's the funniest thing in the world when girls try to chat Harry up. All their friends thought it was glaringly obvious Harry was gay, but apparently the girls at this bar had never gotten the memo.

“Lou, this is serious, I didn’t know what to do, she thinks I’m interested.”

“Right, sorry,” Louis stops laughing and puts on a serious face, “Do you want me to get rid of her for you?”

“What do you mean ‘get rid of her’?” Harry questions.

“Is she looking this way?” Louis asks and Harry not-so-subtly turns around to look for her. They make eye contact and Harry turns back around to face Louis so fast, he thinks he was gonna fall out of the chair.

“Yeah.” Harry answers, wondering what Louis is getting at.

Louis gives Harry a mischievous look before leaning in and crashing their lips together. _That’s one way to get her to leave me alone_ , he thinks, and then instantly forgets about the girl completely, and gives in to the kiss.

Without any warning, Louis climbs onto Harry’s lap and deepens the kiss. Harry places his hands dangerously low on Louis’ back.

They probably should care that their friends are sitting right next to them, but they can’t find it in them to give a shit.

Just as Harry’s hands slip down to Louis’ ass, Liam’s voice breaks them apart, “Earth to Larry, um, you know there’s other people here right? Other people who are trying to hold a conversation while you’re sucking each other’s faces off.” Liam says rolling his eyes, “also, Louis, I’ve been trying to introduce you to Emmie for the past 5 minutes.”

Louis and Harry both flick Liam off at the same time, but reluctantly pull apart.

“Right mate, sorry was just trying to get that girl over there to stop trying to take him home.” Louis replies as he straightens his shirt and smirks at Harry. “It worked,” He nods towards the girl who now has her back turned to them.

Liam responds by rolling his eyes. He really should be used to Louis and Harry’s insane antics by now.

“Anyway, so sorry about that, love,” Louis turns his focus to Emmie, “I’m Louis, it’s so nice to finally meet you!”

“Nice to meet you too Louis! And no worries, you two are adorable.”

“Oh, we’re not together.” Louis responds as Harry speaks over top of him.

“God no, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I just thought cuz...nevermind.” Emmie sputters out as if she couldn’t have been any more embarrassed.

“No worries, Emmie, we get that all the time.” Harry reassures her, being the comforting person he is.

Louis just turns it into a joke, like always. “Yeah, we really do. As if I’d end up with this clown.”

Harry responds by hitting Louis in the shoulder. “Shut up, you love me.” Harry mutters.

Louis looks at him with a fond smile, “Maybe a bit…”

Harry cracks a smile so big that his dimple pops out. Louis pokes it and returns his attention back to Emmie who is even more confused by the two than she was a few moments ago.

Harry obviously despises Louis' attention being on anyone else but him, so he settles his arm around Louis’ waist and pulls him in closer.

Louis spends the next few minutes learning more about Emmie and what she does for a living and what she possibly sees in Liam.

The drinks have been flowing smoothly all night, and Harry decides to get up to get him and Louis a refill.

“Wait, Louis you said you were gonna tell us about your dream last night,” Liam suddenly recalls as he turns his attention away from whatever argument him and Zayn were having.

“Oh, yeah that’s right...Man this one was the weirdest one yet,” Louis says and takes the last sip of his drink.

Liam leans forward in his seat and nudges his girlfriend who was in a deep conversation with Elsie about some weird new Netflix documentary. “Babe, you gotta hear this. Louis has these crazy dreams where he like, predicts the future, it’s insane!”

“It’s not so much that as they’re like dreams about stuff Harry does that I had no way of knowing about. Like I dream where I’m in Harry’s body and I do stuff as him. And it's always something Harry actually did that day.” Louis explains. By now he’s gained the attention of the whole table. They’re all so curious about his crazy Harry dreams.

“That’s really weird, maybe your minds are connected,” Emmie replies. The rest of the table chuckles at that, but Louis doesn’t think she was joking, despite how insane the suggestion is.

“Alright, you guys need to stop talking about me every time I leave,” Harry jokes as he rejoins the group, passing Louis’ drink over to him.

Louis snuggles back up to Harry, “Busted, I was just telling them how much I hate you.”

Harry pouts at that, not appreciating the failed attempt at humor.

“He was just about to tell us about his latest dream about you,” Niall explains.

“Louis, I don’t think they want to hear about your sex dreams.” Harry jokes.

“Ha ha, funny. Not that kind of dream. So this one was weird because you know how normally I dream about something you actually did that day?” Louis waits for a response from Harry which comes in the form of a nod, “I don’t think this one was like that.”


	2. We’ll Get Through This Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger: panic attack and discussion of past character death, but not in detail (I'll put a warning before and after that part so you can skip it if you need to)

Harry furrows his brows, “What did I do in your dream?”

“So I was you, right? And there was a knock on the door, so I answered it and it was Sam.”

Harry almost spits out his drink. Louis gives him a weird look, but Harry avoids his gaze.

“Who’s Sam?” Emmie asks.

“Sam is Harry’s ex. Oh man, this is good.” Zayn explains while bursting out in laughter.

“Why is that so funny Zayn?” Liam asks, clearly annoyed that he doesn’t get the joke.

“Harry, wanna explain why it’s so funny?” Zayn says while nudging Harry under the table with his boot.

Harry sits in silence, avoiding everyone’s eyes. Louis, realising Harry isn’t going to crack, continues explaining his dream.

“Okay...so anyway, I ask him why he’s there and he says I invited him there to fuck just like I had every night that week. Thank god I woke right up after that.” Louis says, eyeing Harry out of the corner of his eye, Harry was acting really odd. “Obviously that didn’t actually happen. Right, Haz?”

“Um…” Harry stutters, “I mean, well here’s the thing...”

“Harry please tell me you’re not still fucking your ex-boyfriend!” Niall practically yells. Zayn just keeps laughing as Harry stays quiet.

“Zayn, what is so funny? Harry, answer Niall’s question! Are you sleeping with Sam still?” Louis practically yells, his mind reeling. Surely Harry would tell him something like that. “Harry, answer me…” Louis says the last bit to Harry in a quieter voice. He puts a hand on Harry’s knee and gently squeezes, urging him to respond.

“Um, Okay, don’t be mad but I’m still sleeping with him…” Harry says, still refusing to make eye contact with Louis. Louis rips his hand off Harry’s leg and gives Harry as deadly a glare as he can muster.

“How long, Harry?” Louis asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Um, since him and I broke up…” Harry reluctantly answers. Surely he must know it’s not the answer Louis wanted to hear.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! What the actual fuck Harry how could you not tell me that? Oh my god, I think i’m gonna be sick.” Louis pushes Harry to get him to move so he can get up. He quickly makes his way out the door without looking back.

“Well, that went well,” Zayn says.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Liam asks, fighting the urge to smack Zayn for his unhelpful comment. Now is not the time for their petty arguments. Not when there was a more important, and entertaining, petty argument unfolding before them. It wasn’t every day Louis and Harry got into a fight. In fact, this might be considered their first actual fight.

“Louis and I started sleeping together again…” Harry answers, trying to explain Louis’ intense reaction to his admission. “But I was still sleeping with Sam too.”

“Fuck, Harry. That’s pretty shitty, especially considering you know how much Louis hates Sam.” Niall says.

“Harry, you need to go talk to him,” Elsie gives Harry’s hand a quick squeeze before nodding her head toward the door that Louis just walked out of.

Harry gets up and makes his way outside to talk to Louis.

“Go away, I don’t want to talk to you.” Louis says and takes a puff from his cigarette.

“Lou, please let me just explain,” Harry walks up to Louis, but he just turns his back to him. When Harry reaches out his hand to gently lay it on Louis’ shoulder, he shrugs it off, “Lou, please look at me.”

“What is there to explain?” Louis spits out, finally turning to face Harry. He takes one last drag of his cigarette and throws it to the ground, angrily stomping it out. “You realize why that’s so fucked up right?”

“Of course I do!”

Louis just lets out a sigh, a sad look overtaking his face. “How could you do that to me?” He asks in a small voice that slightly breaks Harry’s heart.

But Harry shakes the feeling quickly. Sure he hurt Louis, but it’s not like he meant to. What he did was a little insensitive, but he wasn’t technically in the wrong. It’s not like he cheated on anyone. Still, he hates seeing Louis upset due to something Harry did. “Yeah, I should have told you but it’s not like we’re exclusive…” He finally says after a moment. No one ever said Harry was good at apologizing.

“No, but like Harry, come on. We didn’t ever use condoms, so you kinda should’ve told me if there’s anyone else you’re sleeping with.” Oh. Well Harry didn’t think of that. Although, he hadn’t lied and told Louis he wasn’t sleeping with someone else. That has to count for something, right?

“I didn’t think that was necessary, Sam and I always used protection. Is that why you’re so mad?”

Louis huffs out another sigh, this time accompanied by an eye roll, “I mean, I’m mad because I’m your best friend and you didn’t think to tell me you were still seeing your ex.”

“Lou, Sam and I aren’t getting back together. It’s casual, it’s just sex.”

“Harry, he cheated on you! How can you even look at him after that?”

“I just...I don’t know Louis. I didn’t tell you because I knew I’d get a lecture.”

“As you should!” Louis scrubbed at his face with frustration, sinking down to sit on the curb. After a moment, Harry plops down next to him, farther away than normal for the two. “What do you even still see in him?”

“Nothing, I told you it’s just about the sex!” Harry thinks that was a good explanation, but after looking at the horrified look on Louis’ face, realizes he once again said the wrong thing.

“Oh, so I’m not enough then? Am I not good enough in bed that you have to go back to your cheating, abusive ex?” Louis is determined to win this fight, even if it means bringing up things he probably doesn’t have a right to bring up.

“Lou….please, it’s not like that.” Harry scoots a bit closer to Louis on the curb. Sure they’re fighting, but it’s cold and neither of them grabbed their jackets. That’s why they instinctively move to sit shoulder to shoulder, not because either of them is surrendering.

“Harry, he still has you under his grip, you need to get out.” Louis says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Like there’s no history between Harry and Sam, like Harry hasn’t been manipulated by his ex time in and out. But he also says it like he’s willing to help, like he knows the two best friends can’t do anything without the other. Like Harry’s well being is Louis’ job to fix. After all, when Louis was broken, Harry helped him build himself back up too.

So of course, they both cave. The fight wasn’t worth it anyway, it’s not like they could stay mad at each other for long. Not when they’re both hurting. Harry lets out a sigh as his surrender, sinking into Louis’ side and burying his head in Louis’ neck. Louis shows he accepts the olive branch by tightly wrapping both of his arms around his best friend. It’s much better like this anyway.

“It’s not that easy Lou…”

“You still love him, don’t you?” And Louis knows the answer already, he would know even if his dreams hadn’t given it away. Because when Louis has his Harry dreams, he can feel the bittersweet emotion of loving someone who only destroys you.

“I can’t help it, Lou.” Harry says brokenly as tears start to slip down his face.

“H, hey come here.” Louis says as he tightens his arms around him impossibly more. Harry just burrows his face deeper into Louis’ chest. Any anger Louis had can be dealt with later, right now his best friend needs him. And he’d die before he let Harry feel alone.

“Lou, I didn't mean to upset you, I’m so sorry.” Harry mumbles against the soft fabric of Louis’ sweater; one that most definitely started out as Harry’s.

“Shhh, love, it’s okay, I know.” Louis runs his hand through Harry’s curls, hoping the motion will calm the boy down.

“I just can’t let him go Lou, I hate how much I still love him even though he just keeps hurting me.”

“Shh, I know baby, we’ll get through this together.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

*****

Louis climbs out of bed and heads into the kitchen. He wants to make something to eat but he doesn’t think he has enough energy.

He doesn’t remember crying before he fell asleep, but he has a feeling he had sobbed. Suddenly the tears come up again and he sinks to the floor hiding his head in his arms.

He feels something soft at his feet and looks to see Harry’s cat rubbing against his ankles. That’s not right…. Suddenly he realizes he's also in Harry’s kitchen… and wearing Harry's sweatpants. And Harry's tattoos...right, another dream…

*****

Louis wakes up from his dream disoriented and sad knowing Harry had cried himself to sleep. He reaches for his phone to text Harry and check up on him but he gets distracted by a text from Liam.

Message from Liam  
Hey mate, hope you and Harry talked it out. Sorry all that went down. Anyway Emmie was curious about the whole dream thing and she mentioned to me that her aunt is a psychic and I told her you didn’t believe in that shit but she said she would be able to help make sense of your dreams. Idk could be interesting, and if it is bs at least it would make for a good story.

 _Well this is an interesting suggestion_ , Louis thinks. He was surprised to say the least that Liam would buy into that bullshit just because his girlfriend did. Louis didn’t understand why people even bought into the idea of dreams having a hidden meaning. But curiosity got the best of him. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to go and maybe he could get a laugh out of a psychic pretending she knew anything about his life.

That’s how he finds himself giving Madame Jenesis (the name makes him roll his eyes so hard) a call later that day.

“Hello, Madame Jenesis psychic services, how may I help you?”

“Um, hi yeah...I’d like to make an appointment I guess...”

*****

That night, Louis is sitting at their usual bar table. Harry, Zayn, and Lennox weren’t there yet and Liam was in the restroom. Earlier in the night, Louis had been flirting with a girl at the bar, they had a makeout session on the dance floor, and she was currently sitting at the table with Louis, Elsie, Niall, and Emmie. Louis had his arm wrapped around her shoulder. He knew Harry would be pissed about it when he arrived and that gave Louis a twisted sense of satisfaction, despite the fact that they were no longer fighting.

“So, why do Liam and Zayn hate each other so much?” Emmie asked while her boyfriend was away from the table.

Louis, Elsie, and Niall exchange a look, before Niall speaks up. “I think you should hear about it from Liam.”

“Yeah, I agree mate, ask him when he gets back.” Louis agrees, the girl from the bar was pressing kisses to his neck, completely oblivious to the fact Louis was trying to carry a conversation with his friends. It’s honestly annoying, but he’s not going to tell her to stop and screw up any chance he has at getting laid tonight.

“I just feel awkward asking him about it…” Emmie replies with a shrug, taking a long sip of whatever fruity craft brew she was drinking.

“It would be best if you asked him.” Elsie looks up as she spots Liam making his way back.

“What’d I miss?” Liam says a moment later as he approaches the table and slides back in next to his girlfriend. The friends exchange a look, making it pretty obvious they were talking about Liam, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Emmie has a question for you,” Niall says with a laugh. His comment is met with dirty looks, but Niall just finds it funny.

“Um...I was just wondering why you and Zayn hate each other?” Emmie stutters as she turns to face Liam, his arm thrown casually around her.

“We don’t hate each other.” Liam shrugs as if that’s the end of it, but their friends aren’t that easily persuaded.

“Uh, mate,” Louis gently moves the girl attached to him so he can lean forward and point accusingly at Liam, “Yeah, you do.”

“I really don’t hate Zayn, he just pisses me off.” Liam responds.

“Who’s Zayn?” The random girl asks, finally getting the hint that Louis isn’t into PDA at the moment.

“Who are you?” The friends turn their heads to see Zayn and Lennox standing at the table, fingers intertwined.

Liam rolls his eyes as the couple sits down next to him and Emmie. Zayn obviously avoids sitting next to Liam. Lennox smiles politely at the group, gaining a forced smile from Liam.

“This is Kenzie, Kenzie this is Zayn and Lennox.” Louis reluctantly introduces. All he wants to do is get out of here and get laid, but he knows his friends would give him shit if he dipped out early.

“Cheers,” Zayn says and raises up his glass that he brought with him to the table, “So anyway, why were you all talking about me?”

“Oh, Emmie wanted to know why you and Liam hate each other,” Niall said with a chuckle, gaining eye rolls yet again from the whole table.

Lennox noticeably tightens their grip around Zayn’s shoulder at the mention of Zayn and Liam’s feud. Liam and Lennox have never gotten into a fight before, but it’s an unsaid agreement that no one brings up Zayn and Liam’s feud around Lennox. The friend’s always want to make Lennox feel like a welcome part of the group, even when that means Liam sucks it up and plays nice. The thing about it is that Liam can’t even hate Lennox, they’re too amazing of a person, much to Liam’s dismay. Zayn didn’t deserve to marry someone as great as them, at least not in Liam’s opinion.

“We don’t hate eachother, Liam’s just annoying as fuck.” Zayn clearly isn’t in the mood for Liam’s shit, he basically just snarled at him, a heavy indication Liam should just leave it alone, but of course he doesn’t.

“Oh, I’m annoying? At least I don’t rub my relationship in your face.” By now Liam is leaning over Emmie, attempting to get in Zayn’s face, but Lennox is shielding Zayn.

“Liam, come on, we don’t do that.” Lennox says in defense of them and Zayn. Liam just rolls his eyes again and tightens his arm around his girlfriend, but it’s clear by the look on her face that she regrets ever asking.

Niall and Louis shake their heads at each other, getting ready for the inevitable fight. They just hope this one doesn’t turn physical, like the boys’ body language is suggesting. “Harry’s about to miss out on a show,” Louis whispers to the other’s sitting on his side of the booth.

Kenzie certainly doesn’t seem to care about the ensuing fight, as she's back to work kissing Louis’ neck. And honestly, she needs to stop before Louis does something stupid like shove his tongue down her throat in front of all his friends. That can wait, though, because right now, Zayn and Liam are shouting at each other, and other bar patrons are starting to stare. Louis quickly reaches into his back pocket and grabs his phone to send a quick text to Harry telling him to get here soon, he’s missing a show.

“Still haven’t answered the question, mate” Elsie says. Niall, Louis, and her are mildly entertained by the situation. Actually, they’re extremely entertained by it. Call them horrible friends, but it won’t stop them from eating up the drama as it unfolds.

“Liam and Zayn used to date, then Zayn cheated on him with Lennox,” Louis finally answers because no one else was going to. Emmie’s eyes go wide, it’s clear she had absolutely no idea. Liam avoids her eye contact. Everyone else stares at Louis in disbelief, as he just fueled the fire to the fight even more. Louis just shrugs, someone had to say it.

“That’s not what happened!” Zayn yells, “Liam and I weren’t exclusive! I didn’t cheat.” Zayn was clearly upset by the allegations and Lennox is trying to comfort him.

Liam whispers something to Emmie, but surprisingly he doesn’t seem upset. He turns his attention back to the group, more specifically, to Lennox. “Look, it’s in the past, no hard feelings, right Lennox?” Liam asks and Lennox nods back at him. They had somewhat of a truce going on, even if Zayn and Liam didn’t. “Zayn and I have always fought, it’s not because of that drama in college.”

“Yeah, Liam and I weren’t good for each other, we’ve always constantly fought.” Zayn explains. And it’s true. When the friends first found out Liam and Zayn were hooking up, they were shocked beyond belief. Historically, the two couldn’t even be in the same room without getting into a screaming match. Apparently hate sex is a real thing, because they sure as hell didn’t like each other. It was inevitable it would end in flames, but at least Zayn had Lennox to break the fall. Liam couldn’t even be mad about it either, Zayn and Lennox were perfect together, even if Liam likes to tease Zayn about being in it for the money.

“Then why do you guys even hang out?” Emmie asks mostly to Liam, she must not be upset about being out of the loop anymore, just curious.

“Well, because we’ve always been in the same friend group. It’s really all Harry and Louis’ fault, we’re all friends because of them.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault?” Louis asks in mock-horror, grabbing at his chest for dramatic effect. “How do you figure that?”

“You two introduced us!”

“That doesn’t make it our fault!”

“It’s also Elsie and Landen’s fault. Those fuckers kept inviting me and Zayn to all those concerts where we’d get hammered and then sleep together.” Liam replies with a smug look on his face, thinking he made a joke, but the table was met with excruciating silence, worried looks being exchanged between everyone as Louis visibly tenses up, looking like he’s about to punch someone. Kenzie and Emmie look between Louis and the others, confusion emanating off their faces, due to the sudden change in mood.

“Liam, not now.” Elsie quietly says as she reaches around Kenzie to touch Louis’ shoulder, but he flinches away.

“It was just a joke Lou….I didn’t mean anything by it.” Liam sheepishly says, looking every bit like a kicked puppy.

Zayn surprisingly comes to Liam’s defense on this one, “Lou, he didn’t mean it…”

“No, it’s fine….whatever. I just...I’m gonna go out for a smoke.” Louis quickly mumbles out as he rises from the booth and walks rapidly toward the door.

He can tell Kenzie is following him, but he’s definitely not in the mood to have a panic attack in front of a possible hookup. When she follows him outside, he turns around and as calmly as possible tells her to wait for him at the booth and he needs a minute.

As soon as Louis is alone, he unsteadily drops against the cool pavement, leaning back against the wall. Shaky hands pull out his pack of cigarettes, but he can’t stay still enough to light it, so he throws the unlit cigarette to the ground in frustration.

[Trigger warning for panic attack]

There’s a few people scattered around the parking lot and entrance to the pub, and he briefly feels self conscious when he realizes the tears rolling down his cheek. However, his surroundings are quickly forgotten and replaced by the sound of his racing heartbeat in his ears and a dizzy feeling spreading through his body. He brings his knees up to his chest and buries his head, like his therapist taught him, willing the spinning to stop, but it just intensifies. He feels his chest uncomfortably tighten, and he tries to steady his breaths, but it’s no use, it never is.

Louis is unsure how much time passes before he senses a warm presence to his right, he quickly wipes at his face before he looks up and sees Harry is settled on the ground next to him. Perfect timing, Louis thinks.

His heart is still pounding, and he’s not convinced he’s not having a heart attack. The tears are still coming, but he tried to relax into Harry, he really does. Harry, having been waiting for Louis’ invitation, wraps his arms tightly around him. Louis tries to focus on inhaling Harry’s cologne, it helps him to take even breaths. Harry just quietly holds him close, rubbing circles onto Louis’ back with his thumb.

This isn’t the first time Louis has had a panic attack around Harry, by now Harry knows what to do. He’s learned to give Louis space unless invited to come closer, he’s learned that there’s nothing he can really do to make it stop. No words can help, Louis just needs to know someone is there to help him make sense of everything when it’s over. He needs something physical to hold to until the storm resides.

[Panic attack over]

A few more minutes pass, before Harry can feel Louis physically relax his muscles and let out a long breath. Harry moves his right hand to card through Louis’ fringe and moves it out of his eyes. Louis finally looks up at Harry with a small, sad smile, eyes red and face soaked with tears. Harry offers a caring smile back and pulls his sleeve over his hand to wipe Louis’ face.

“Hey, Lou.” Harry says quietly, not wanting to disturb the calm that has started to settle on the blue eyed boy, “Would you like to talk about it?”

“Hi,” Louis says, “It’s nothing.”

“If you’re sure, love.”

“It’s just Liam brought up Landen and it set me off…”

“Come here,” Harry says as he stands up and reaches down for Louis to do the same. Louis takes Harry’s hands and joins him. Then Harry wraps his arms around Louis, pulling him in for an engulfing hug. “It’s still hard, I know. You have every right to be upset.”

“It’s just rough hearing his name you know? It’s just a reminder of how lonely it is without him.”

“I understand, love. You lost your twin, there’s always gonna be a hole in your heart from losing him. Just know I’m here for you, yeah?”

Louis nods into Harry’s shoulder.

“Wanna go inside now, babe?” Harry asks.

“Yeah, let’s go.”


	3. Finally Alone Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning ;)
> 
> Thanks to @larrycocaine for writing most of the smut for me! Check out her fics!

They both head back into the bar. Louis scoots in to sit back with Kenzie. “You okay,” she whispers in his ear. He nods. Harry eyes up the girl next to Louis.

“Hi, I’m Harry,” He politely says as he reaches his hand out. Kenzie shakes his hand. “‘M Kenzie.”

“So Kenzie’s met the husband?” Elsie says and her and Niall burst out laughing. 

“Haha” Louis sarcastically says.

“What are you talking about?” Kenzie says.

“For some reason, they like to call me Louis’ husband...they’re just taking the piss.” Harry says. Kenzie’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Wait, are you two together?” She asks. 

“No!” Harry and Louis say at the same time. 

“Oh, that’s a shame, could have been a hot threesome.” Louis almost spits out his drink. Harry smirks and throws his arms around Louis. 

“Sorry, love, but I don’t share.” Harry says, planting a teasing kiss on Louis’ lips. Louis shoves him off.

“Shut up Harry, at least I don’t hide my hookups from you. At least I’m not a sneaky bitch.”

“Babe, we’re bringing that up? I thought we moved past this.” 

“Trouble in paradise?” Lennox asks.

“Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t really want to get involved with this. Sorry, Lou.” Kenzie says as she kisses him on the cheek. “Nice to meet you all by the way.” And then she's off. Louis doesn’t even bother to be upset because Harry’s lips are instantly on his. 

“What a shame,” Harry whispers into Louis’ ear when they break apart, “Guess you’ll have to take me home instead.” Then he teasingly brushes his hand up Louis’ back under his shirt and then bites down on Louis’ earlobe. Louis shutters under the touch. Damn, he thinks sarcastically, what an unfortunate turn of events. 

~~~~~~~

Louis quickly opens the door to his flat as Harry’s mouth attacks his neck. The second they get inside Louis was shoving Harry against the other side of the door. Louis presses bruising kisses from Harry’s ear down to his collar bones. Harry wastes no time in reaching up to undo his shirt buttons and throw it to the ground, then grabs the hem of Louis’ shirt and pulls it off. 

“Eager are we?” Louis smirks. He presses his mouth against the spot under Harry’s ear that he knows drives Harry mad and gently bites down leaving marks as he goes. Harry is loving this, loving when Louis takes control. 

Small whines leave Harry’s throat, his hands roaming Louis’ body. Louis feels large hands gripping his ass roughly. The smaller man’s lips soon reach Harry’s, his hand finding its way into chocolate brown curls. The kiss is heated, yet soft. Louis has always loved kissing the younger man, he craved it if he was being honest.

Harry lets out a low moan as Louis’ hand reaches for his belt at the same time he bites down on the taller man’s collar bone. 

“Lou, come on now, stop teasing.” Neither of them like being teased. They were both too stubborn to completely surrender control. Louis smirks at that, biting Harry’s lower lip.

“You really are desperate for it, babe. Sam doesn’t please you like I do, huh?” 

“Lou, please, just get on with it.”

“Not until you admit I fuck you better than Sam ever could.”

Harry’s eyes dilate at that, “How about you just show me?” his dimples pop out and he licks his lips. 

Louis decides enough is enough and drops to his knees and works on unbuckling Harry’s pants. Harry lets out a low whine as Louis pulls down the older boy’s jeans and boxers. He wraps his hand around the base of Harry’s cock, pumping his hand up and down a few times before replacing his hand with his mouth. An explicit moan escapes from Harry’s lips as Louis expertly runs his tongue along the underside of his cock. Louis knows exactly how to drive the taller boy crazy; knows exactly what his best friend likes. Harry’s fingers find their way into Louis’ hair, urging him on. Finally, Louis takes him as deep as he can, his hand grasping the base. After a few seconds, Louis feels Harry nudge him on the shoulder. He glances up with a raised eyebrow. 

“Bed, now,” Harry mumbles breathlessly as he leads Louis over to the bed, their lips connecting on the way there. Harry shoves Louis down onto the mattress, crawling over him to envelope his mouth in a bruising kiss.

“So you think you’re in charge here, babe?” Louis all but gasps out as Harry bites down on his collarbone. Harry goes back in for another kiss, but Louis stops him, grabbing his jaw and turning him away. “You do what I tell you, yeah?”

“What are you gonna do if I don’t?” Harry quirks an eyebrow at the older boy whose fingers are still on his throat. Harry knows full well that he’d do whatever Louis tells him to, but he also knows Louis likes it when he talks back. 

Louis rises from the bed, much to Harry’s dismay, but it’s made better when Louis reaches in his closet to pull out a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs. He walks back over to the foot of the bed, standing over him. Louis makes work of taking the rest of his own clothes off, and once they’re both naked he climbs back onto the bed, straddling Harry’s hips, their naked bodies on fire where they touch. 

Louis starts pressing open mouthed kisses over top of Harry’s bird tattoos, slowly trailing lower, ghosting over his nipple, not missing the whimper that falls from Harry’s lips. He goes lower and lower before tracing the fern tattoos with his tongue. Harry shudders from head to toe, growing impatient from the teasing. 

“Lou,” Harry breathily moans, “Fuck, do something already.”

“Don’t fucking rush me, love. I’ll take as long as I want,” Louis says against the skin of Harry’s inner thigh before biting down, leaving Harry a whimpering mess. Louis reaches down to grab the handcuffs. “Wanna cuff you to the bed, that okay?”

Harry says yes quicker than ever, but then again, he always does when it comes to Louis. Louis reaches out to hold Harry’s right hand in his, placing a gentle kiss on his anchor tattoo, then securing the handcuff around his wrist, the other end being hooked around the bedpost and then onto his other wrist. He gives Harry a smirk before leaning back down to continue marking up his thighs, getting closer and closer to his dick, but purposefully not close enough. 

“Lou, seriously, please” Harry whined, pulling at his restraint, “stop teasing me and just fuck me. I’m not gonna let you top anymore if you’re just gonna tease. Are you not man enough to fuck me?” He asked with a wide smirk. “Come on baby.”

Louis pulls away and climbs back up Harry’s body, getting in his face and pressing a hand against his throat. Harry’s eyes go cloudy with desire and Louis darkly whispers, “Shut up if you know what’s good for you baby,” Harry bites at his bottom lip and nods his head, Louis releases his grip. “You gonna be good for me?” 

Harry nods his head, opening his mouth to reply, but quickly closing it again when Louis presses a finger to his mouth to shush him. Harry has a hard time being quiet during sex, but he would try his best to control himself if Louis wanted him to. 

Louis leans down, removing his finger from Harry’s mouth before placing a rough kiss on the younger boy’s lips. He pulls away after a moment, staring at Harry lustfully, a mischievous smirk forming on his face. 

“Open” he commands, loving when Harry follows his directions immediately. Louis slips his index finger between Harry’s lips, “Suck.”

Harry swirls his tongue around the older boy’s finger, sucking at the digit, eyes locking with Louis’. Louis finds Harry even more attractive when he has something in his mouth to keep him quiet. 

Louis brings down his right hand, leaving his left finger still in Harry’s mouth. His calloused palm wraps around Harry’s dick, pumping his hand around him.

Harry lets out a muffled whine, his lips still sealed around Louis’ finger. The older boy slips a second finger into Harry’s mouth. 

“I thought I said to be quiet,” Louis punctuated his sentence with a sharp tug, “Get my fingers wet for me baby.”

Harry eagerly continues to suck on Louis’ fingers, trying his hardest to keep his noises to himself, trying to be good for Louis.

Louis rubs his thumb over the tip of Harry’s cock, smearing the bead of precum already leaking out of the younger boy.

Harry’s dick twitches at that, his hips coming off the mattress slightly, Louis mostly holding him down while straddling him.

Harry sucks harder, needing more. Louis can tell that he’s trying so hard to keep himself under control, he knows he can only tease him for so long.

Louis speeds up his movements, brushing his thumb over the head of Harry’s dick again. He feels so proud when he sees how fast Harry is unraveling beneath him, “Don’t come yet, love.”

When Louis knows Harry’s on the edge of his orgasm, he stops his movements, slipping off of him completely. When Louis pulls his fingers out of Harry’s mouth, the younger boy pouts, but ultimately stays quiet.

Louis brings one of his slicked fingers down between Harry’s legs, rubbing against his hole. Harry’s hips jut up, needing more than just a finger teasing his hole. 

He opens his mouth to beg Louis for more, needing him inside, but immediately shuts his mouth when Louis quirks an eyebrow.

“Ah ah ah,” Louis tsks, “I’ll give you more when I’m ready”. Harry tugs at his restraints, the pink fuzz tickling his wrists. “No matter how much you try, baby, you can’t get out of them until I let you out.”

Louis reaches over to the bedside table, grabbing the bottle of lube from the top drawer. He pops the top open, slicking two of his fingers up before placing the bottle off to the side.

Harry jerks at the cold feeling as Louis slowly starts to slip one finger inside of him, pumping his finger in and out slowly. Louis leans down, face right above Harry’s dick. He’s looking up through his eyelashes at the younger boy, “You aren’t allowed to come in my mouth, so you better hold off,” he warns, taking him in his mouth. 

Louis works a second finger past Harry’s rim as he continues working his mouth on the boy. 

Harry bites his lips harshly, tugging harder on the hand cuffs. He’s so close to the edge that he doesn’t think he can hold off much longer.

Louis pulls off with a pop, “I think you’re ready, babe,” he announces, slicking his own cock up with lube before lining up against Harry and slowly slipping past his rim. Louis hisses at Harry’s tight heat. “You’re so fucking tight, damn Haz” Louis moans. After bottoming out, he stills his movements for a moment, waiting for Harry to adjust to his size. After Harry gives him the go-ahead, Louis hikes Harry’s leg up around his waist and starts slowly moving his hips. He gradually quickens his pace until he’s thrusting into Harry relentlessly, knowing that he likes to get fucked rough.

Harry is unable to hold back his whimpers and moans no matter how hard he tries, “Fuck, Lou...ugh,” he whines, pulling even more at the restraints, wanting to touch Louis. 

“I guess you can’t keep quiet while being fucked properly, huh?” Louis teases, reaching up to pinch one of Harry’s nipple, “Moan for me baby,” Louis commands, a moan escaping his own lips as well. “Let everyone know who’s fucking you so well,” he nearly growls, “Come on love, you know that no one else will ever fuck you like I do. No one will ever,” he starts, quickening his movements and changes his angle, landing a particularly hard thrust into Harry, “fuck you as good as I can.” Louis knows he hits the right spot when Harry’s moans grow in volume, “Can Sam fuck you like this? Hmm?”

Harry doesn’t respond, the only thing passing through his lips are moans of pleasure.

“I said,” Louis starts, moving his hand up from Harry’s nipples to grip his throat, “Can he fuck you like this?” 

Harry has tears of pleasure pooling in his eyes as he makes eye contact with the older boy. Harry loves rough sex and Louis is always the best at it. Nobody could ever compare to Louis.

“N-no-,” he moans in response, a blissed out look on his face as Louis doesn’t let up on his hold.

“Come on baby, come for me. Show me how well I fuck you,” Louis moans out, keeping his hold on his throat. Harry comes almost immediately after being allowed to, a shudder rippling through his body as he clenches around Louis, “Fuck, I’m so close Haz,” Louis moans, the movement of his hips becoming erratic as he chases his release.

After taking a moment to collect themselves, Louis slowly eases out of Harry, his come leaking out of his hole as he does. Louis reaches over to grab the key to the handcuffs, freeing the boy’s wrists. He lays down on his back next to Harry, pulling the boys’ pliant body against his side. He brings both of Harry’s wrists to his lips, placing soft kisses against the slight marks that had formed. The younger boy cuddles in closer when Louis’s done, burying his nose into his chest. 

“Come on, love, let’s get you cleaned up,” Louis says, pressing a kiss against Harry’s soft curls. 

“That was amazing, Lou,” Harry whispers out softly, “You definitely fuck me better than Sam ever could. You always know what I need.”

Louis smiles brightly at that. He rolls the green eyed boy over a bit so he can sit up then helps Harry off the bed as well.


	4. Hurting Together

Louis wakes up the next morning to a headache and an empty bed. He can’t stop the tight feeling in his chest when he realizes Harry left in the middle of the night. He lets out a deep sigh and grabs the cold pillow on the opposite side of the bed, covering the back of his head with it to keep the light out and his tears in.

He feels pathetic really, caring so much that Harry had ditched him sometime last night or early this morning. But he can’t be bothered this time to try to hold his emotions back.

Harry doesn’t always leave after they hook up, lots of times he stays the night and cooks Louis breakfast. Those mornings Louis allows himself to daydream about what it might be like to have that all the time. But other times Harry randomly leaves after Louis falls asleep, out of the blue with no indication that he wouldn’t be there when Louis wakes up. Those mornings, much like right now, Louis is forced to face reality. The reality that he’ll never have a familiar face to make him look forward to waking up every morning.

He can’t help wanting to be peppered with soft kisses while both being half asleep, Harry wrapping his toned arms around him and them laying there for an hour before Harry would get up to make Louis chocolate pancakes and Yorkshire tea in bed.

Louis lets himself lay in his self-pity for a moment longer before dragging himself to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

A little while later, he sits at his kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal and getting lost in his thoughts about Harry, thinking back to the night they first kissed. It was almost three years ago and only a month after the accident that killed Louis’ twin brother, Landon, and put Harry into a week-long coma. Needless to say, it was the longest and worst week of Louis’ entire life. Everything he had known had been upended in one night. Not only had he lost his twin, but for an entire week, he thought he was going to lose his best friend.

_It had been about two weeks after Harry left the hospital and they were sitting on his bed watching Netflix. Louis had been coming over after his classes every day since Harry had come home. They were 30 minutes into some cheesy movie when it was revealed one of the characters had a twin brother. Harry lunged for the remote to shut it off, knowing it would set Louis off, but it was too late, Louis was already starting to cry. Harry rushed over to Louis’ side and pulled him into his arms. The older boy started crying even harder and burrowed his face into Harry’s chest as Harry rubbed soothing circles across his back. The harder Louis cried, the tighter his grip on the front of Harry’s shirt became._

_“Shhhh, love it’s alright, I’m here. Let it out, you’re safe with me,” Harry whispered against the top of Louis’ head, adding a kiss for good measure._

_“It’s just...not...fair,” Louis choked out, hardly getting the words out and on the verge of completely hyperventilating. “It should….have been..me.” Louis seemed like he might continue, but instead, all that came out were gasps as air tried to force its way into his lungs._

_Harry’s heart completely shattered at Louis’ confession and he tightened his grip as the crying boy went slack in his arms, the fight had once again completely left his body. After all, this was the 4th breakdown Louis had had in Harry’s arms just this week and it was only Wednesday._

_Harry was also taking Landon’s death extremely hard, they’d been friends just as long as he and Louis had been. He was hurting too, but he was also aware he would never be able to comprehend how hard it was for Louis. Harry could hardly handle the pain himself and it killed him to know that however he was feeling, Louis was feeling 1,000 times worse._

_Harry knew that Louis had offered multiple times to drive them all home the night of the accident, concerned that Landon was too tired to drive. He assumed that had haunted Louis every night, but he wasn’t sure if Louis was just saying it should have been him because that was something people say, or because he wished he was the one who was dead._

_Harry had never felt more useless in his entire life as he looked down at the now still form in front of him. Every now and then a shiver would ripple through Louis’ body as he tried to even out his breathing and stop crying. Harry just held him through it, whispering that he was going to be okay and one day it wouldn’t hurt this much._

_After a few minutes, the worst of Louis’ breakdown seemed to have passed and he slowly pulled away from Harry, although not completely. Louis scrubbed at his eyes before finally looking up at Harry, a weak ‘thank you’ falling from his lips._

_“Love, you don’t need to thank me, I’m here for you no matter what. I just wish I could do more, I feel so useless right now,” Harry gently said._

_“You’re doing more than enough, Harry, seriously, you’ve helped me through so many breakdowns lately, I can’t even begin to express how much that means to me.”_

_“It just destroys me to see you like this, babe. I know it sounds cliche, but if I could take away the pain I would in a heartbeat, even if it meant I had to feel twice your pain.”_

_“That’s sweet, but I know you’re just saying that,” Louis said with a sigh as he mindlessly played with a loose string hanging off his shirt._

_“Why would I lie, love?” Harry placed his hand over Louis’ to get him to stop fidgeting and look up at him._

_“For the same reason my mum tells me it’s okay if I cry about it around her. She wants to mean that, but I know it just hurts her more to see me lose it. You’re gonna get sick of me crying all the time, and you’ll be too nice to say anything, but I’m just going to be a burden.”_

_“I mean it, Lou, I really do. I would hold you while you cry 60 times a day if I knew I could comfort you even in the slightest. Please don’t hold it in until you’re by yourself, it would kill me to know you were trying to go through this alone. I won’t let you do that baby, I’ll do anything to help you deal with the pain.”_

_Louis let out a sigh, but when Harry looked at him he saw the tiniest trace of a smile, meaning Louis was finally starting to believe that Harry meant what he said. Louis leaned back into Harry’s space, crawling into his lap and curling up, face tucked against Harry’s neck and soft breaths coming out evenly again. He wrapped his hands around Harry’s neck and Harry instantly enveloped Louis in a bear hug, fingers coming up to gently play with the hair at the base of Louis’ neck, admiring the way he had started wearing it longer. After a moment, Harry risked breaking the silence._

_“Lou, if I ask you something, do you promise to tell me the truth even if you think it will upset me?”_

_“‘Course” Louis mumbled against the fabric of Harry’s sweater. Harry paused for a moment, thinking over the words he was about to say and how to best say them without upsetting Louis all over again._

_“Do you really wish it had been you instead of him?” Harry’s voice was so quiet and Louis took so long to answer that he wasn’t even sure that he had heard him, but then Louis let out a long sigh._

_“I wouldn’t say I wish I was the one who was dead, but I just can’t help but feel it was my fault and if I had been more insistent on driving us home, we’d both be here. And listen, I know you’re gonna tell me it’s not my fault, and I wish I could believe you, but I knew he would fall asleep if he drove Harry, he was fighting to keep his eyes open. At the very least, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep, If I would have stayed awake I could have kept him awake. So I know everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault, but I know it is, Harry. It’s entirely my fault and It could have been so easily prevented, and I don’t know how to deal with that H, I really don’t. It feels like I’m never going to be okay again and I don’t think I deserve to be okay anyway. I basically killed him and I almost killed you too, H. To answer your question, I don’t wish I were dead, but I feel like I deserve to be.” After Louis had finished his speech, he looked up at Harry and realized tears were pouring down the younger boy’s face, and that just made him feel even worse about everything. Lately, it seemed all he could do was cause pain._

_“Thank you for telling me that Louis, I don’t want you to keep your feelings in. It might hurt me to see you like this, but not as much as it would hurt me If you weren’t here. We all still need you here. I need you here, love.” Harry was surprised that he was still the only one crying at this point. The tables had turned and now Louis was the one gently wiping the tears from Harry’s eyes._

_“I’ll never leave you, Curly, don’t worry. You can’t get rid of me that easily, I promise.” Harry let out a weak laugh, his tears finally slowing down. Louis counted it a victory. Maybe he wasn’t fucking everything up after all. After Harry had completely stopped crying Louis spoke up again. “You know what I need right now?” Harry shook his head. “A distraction.” A mysterious look passed over Louis’ face as he finished speaking. Harry shrugged and reached for the remote again, about to turn the tv back on when Louis swiped it and threw it somewhere on the bed. Harry looked at him quizzically as Louis stared him down. “That’s not the kind of distraction I meant, love.” The questioning look and Harry’s face grew as he became even more confused._

_“What do you-” Harry froze when Louis leaned up and placed their foreheads together, faces closer than they had probably ever been. “Lou…”_

_“Do you think maybe…” Louis dragged out, suddenly becoming sheepish, “Could you kiss me?”_

_Louis must have taken the silence as a rejection because he was slowly starting to pull away, but Harry surprised himself by pulling Louis close again._

_“I want to, but I need you to be sure, Lou. You’re emotionally exhausted right now, and I don’t want to take advantage of that. You’re just looking for a distraction, love, and I don’t want you to regret it.”_

_“I am looking for a distraction, I led with that. But that doesn’t mean I’ll regret it, H. I could never regret you. I’m sure this is what I want as long as you want it too.”_

_“I want it too, but just one kiss, yeah? For now at least.” Louis lifted an eyebrow at Harry hinting that he might eventually want more. That probably wasn’t what Harry meant, but a boy can dream. Lord knows he’d dreamt about it enough._

_Louis scooted closer to Harry, and the younger boy responded by gently placing his hand along Louis’ jaw. It was clear by Harry’s hesitance that he was waiting for Louis to make the next move. And that’s how Louis found himself finally kissing his childhood best friend who he had been pining over for the past two years._

Louis is suddenly dragged out of his flashback when he hears his phone ringing. He frowns at his now soggy cereal as he answers the phone.

“Hey, Har-” Louis doesn’t even finish his sentence before Harry interrupts him.

“Lou, I’m so sorry about leaving this morning.” Harry rushes out.

“It’s fine H,” Louis is lying, but the thing is that it should be fine, “You don’t have to explain yourself, you don’t have to stay over every time we fuck. I’m a big boy, I can deal with waking up alone,” Louis is sure his tone cancels out everything he’s saying. He doesn’t mean a single word, he’s just slightly bitter. Only slightly though.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just I was gonna stay until you woke up, but Sam texted me saying-” It’s now Louis’ turn to interrupt.

“I’m sorry? Sam? As in your ex?” Now he’s completely bitter.

“Um...yeah? How many Sams do we know? Anyway, he wanted to meet me for breakfast and said he had something important to tell me. I didn’t want to wake you up so I just left. I’m sorry about that though.”

“Harry, I literally couldn’t care less. It’s fine. I’ll see you later.” Another lie, Louis cared too much about it.

“Are you ma-” Louis hangs up before Harry can finish his sentence. He angrily slams his phone down on the table. How fucking dare Harry ditch him for Sam. Just when Louis thinks it isn’t possible to hate Sam more than he already does. The fucking prat just uses Harry and the younger boy just keeps letting him walk all over him. The worst part is that Harry is too oblivious to even realize how much he keeps hurting Louis. The irony isn’t lost on Louis, which just makes him madder. He storms off to his room to get ready for work, he’s already late enough as is and he doesn’t want to deal with Liam giving him shit for it.

***

“It’s about time you show up Tommo!” Liam shouts as he sees Louis walking toward him in the school hallway.

“Shut the fuck up Liam, ‘m not in the mood for it. I’m literally only 5 minutes late!” Louis knows it’s not fair to take his anger out on Liam, but he can’t be arsed to control himself right now.

“Lou, there are students around, maybe don’t talk like that right now,” Liam lectures as he leads Louis into their joint office. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Li, why does something have to be wrong for me to tell you to shut your fucking mouth?” Liam should really take a hint that Louis doesn’t feel like talking right now, but he doesn’t so Louis doesn’t feel bad for yelling. Well, maybe he does a little.

“Because you’ve been here 2 seconds and have already snapped at me twice,” Liam says in an even tone, the saint he is.

“Well excuse me for being upset that the guy I slept with last night ditched me to have breakfast with his dickwad of an ex!”

“Harry ditched you to have breakfast with Sam?! Shit, man, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’d be mad too! You gotta stop letting Harry get away with shit like that Lou!”

“Oh, and how would that conversation go? ‘Hey man, I know we’re friends who occasionally fuck and how we have no claim to each other but can you maybe stop leaving the second we get off to go hang out with your ex? Cuz I’m in love with you and it makes me jealous,’ Yeah, I don’t think that would fly.” Louis expects Liam to laugh at that, but he’s instead met with silence and a giant shocked expression plastered on Liam’s face. Louis scrunches his eyebrows together, silently asking Liam why the fuck he’s looking at him like that and that he’s gonna catch flies in his mouth.

“Shit, Lou,” Liam finally says.

“What?!” Louis yells, thoroughly confused at this point.

“How long have you been in love with him?”

“I’m not in love with Harry!” Louis’ almost screaming at Liam now, “I was being hypothetical!”

“Lou, come on! I can’t believe I didn’t see this before!”

“Maybe if you weren’t constantly absorbed in your pathetic feud with Zayn, you’d notice things!” Louis really needs to stop yelling at Liam, but he needs to yell at someone, and Liam’s face is particularly punchable today.

“So, you admit it then? You’re in love with Harry?” Liam asks, a smirk slowly spreading across his face and he crosses over to Louis’ side of the office.

“No!” Louis yells as he turns his back to Liam and pretends to look occupied with organizing the papers on his desk.

“Lou, how long have you been keeping your feelings for him hidden?”

“None of your business Liam!”

“Louis, how long?” Liam says it this time with a softer tone, causing Louis to turn around to face him again after a moment’s hesitation.

“If I tell you will you shut that obnoxious face of yours and leave me alone?”

“Yeah, sure whatever,” Liam replies, “So, how long then?”

“Five years…” Louis mumbles so quietly, Liam hardly hears him at all.

“What did you say?”

“I’ve been in love with Harry for five years, Okay?! Are you happy? Go ahead, laugh at how pathetic that is!”

Liam doesn’t laugh though, instead, he swiftly wraps Louis up in one of his signature bear hugs that he thinks makes everything better but they don’t! _Okay, maybe they do a little,_ Louis thinks as he hugs Liam back just as tight.

“Oh, Lou. We’re gonna fix this okay?” Louis just nods against Liam’s shoulder as he angrily wipes away the tears that had somehow fallen.


	5. Together In My Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but I wanted to get something up

Louis’ day isn’t much better by the time he’s done with work. The team had a rough practice and Liam and him are starting to stress about how bad of a season they’re having. Liam had tried to take the bulk of the workload off of Louis, but it didn’t help much. 

By the time he gets into his car to make his way over to the psychic for his appointment, he’s tempted to drive home instead. After a day like today, he’s even more skeptical about whether or not this is a good idea. 

As he finally pulls into the driveway of the place, he realizes there’s no going back. The building in front of him used to be a house at some point but had been converted to a small private office. The outside is inconspicuous, you’d never know this was a psychic. 

He pulls out his phone to send a joking text to Harry, then remembers he’s mad at him and texts Elsie instead. 

From Louis:   
Can’t believe Liam got me to go to this phony, this better be good 🙄 

He gets a reply almost immediately. 

To Louis:  
Keep an open mind Lou x

Louis rolls his eyes, he was expecting her to agree with him, she really must be spending a lot of time with Harry. He was all into horoscopes and crystals and meditation and Louis had made fun of him for it many times. 

Elsie’s text only serves to piss Louis off more as he steps out of his car and up to the door. He enters into a tiny waiting room with a woman about his age sitting with her head buried in her phone and a hippy-looking older guy sitting on the other side of the small room. He hadn’t really expected other people to be there. The room is scarcely decorated and completely unlike what he’d expected. He figures the actual room will be more candlelit and mysterious looking than the waiting room is. 

A tall red-haired woman walks out of the psychic’s room followed by who he assumes to be Madame What’s Her Face although she isn’t in robes and a turban-like Hollywood led him to believe she’d be in. The woman already in the waiting room gets up and the two young ladies leave together. Madame Jenesis (he’s assuming) calls the older man in, smiling at Louis in greeting before they disappear back into the room leaving Louis alone with his nerves. 

After about 15 minutes, maybe Louis shouldn’t have arrived so early, they emerge again and Louis hears her call his name. He hesitantly gets up and follows. The room is dimly lit with candles and there’s a small round table in the center of the room, but to his surprise, there’s not a crystal ball sitting on the table. There aren’t incense or tapestries or star covered table clothes either. For the most part, it reminds him of his old therapist's office which surprisingly relaxes him a bit. 

“Please sit down Louis, I can tell you’re a little nervous. Can you tell me why?” Madame Jenesis says as she takes a seat on the far side of the table. 

“Shouldn’t you know why?” Louis hesitantly pulls out the chair in front of him and sits down. He can’t help but fidget, unable to get comfortable.

“I don’t know everything, Louis.”

“Right, well I’m just not sure what to expect is all.”

“On the phone you didn’t give any details of what you wanted to visit for. Would you like to share that?” A strand of dark hair had fallen out of her bun and she tucks it behind her ear. She has an expectant look on her face and it makes Louis fidget some more.

“Um, well I’ve been having strange dreams and my mate’s new girlfriend Emmie, apparently your niece or summat said you could help me. I figured it couldn’t hurt.”

“Ah yes, good of her to tell you about me. You don’t believe I can help you, though.”

“I’m, well I’m not that convinced. No offense. Honestly, I’m probably just wasting your time.” Louis pushes out his chair as if to get up, but she puts her hand up and waves the comment away.

“You’re paying me, so you can’t be wasting my time. I have dealt with many unbelievers. You strike me as someone who hesitates to accept help in any form, though.”

“I guess, but aren’t most people?” He scoots a little closer to the table again. He already paid so he might as well stay the whole time. 

“I suppose. So tell me about these dreams. What makes them strange?” Her bangles clang together as she folds her hands in front of her on the table. The clangy jewelry covering both of her wrists are the only cliche about her looks.

“Well, I have dreams where I basically body swap with my best mate Harry, and whatever I dream about is what he’s actually doing at the time.”

“So like a vision?”

“No, because it’s not, like, predicting the future.” 

Madame Jenesis lifts up an eyebrow and aims a curious look Louis’ way, “Can you give me an example?”

“Sure, so like last week I had a dream Harry’s ex came to my house...well it was Harry’s house but I was Harry. And when I told all my friends about the dream, Harry told me his ex had come over to his house at the same time I had the dream.”

“How long has this been going on?”

Louis thinks back to the first time he had one of his Harry dreams. It was actually about a month after the accident, he had a dream that was a flashback of that night, but from Harry’s point of view. He didn’t think much of it at the time, but the dream stuck with him for a while. “Almost 3 years.”

“How often do you have these dreams?”

“It depends. Sometimes I’ll go 3 or 4 months without a dream and sometimes it’s multiple times a week. I’ve already had two this week.”

She pauses briefly in thought. “Interesting. I’ve seen something like this once before I believe. Does your Harry have these dreams as well?”

“No, unless he’s lying, but he wouldn’t do that.”

“And you’re sure of this?”

“Of course I’m sure, we don’t lie to each other”

“And what is the nature of your relationship?”

“He’s my best mate, that’s it.” Louis isn’t sure why he feels the need to specify they’re ONLY friends, but he does even though most people would think that what they have falls into the category of ‘more than friends.’ Louis can’t think about that right now though. 

“If this is going to work you can’t lie to me, Louis.”

“Are you serious? It’s none of your business what the nature of my relationship with my best friend is.”

“Can you at least tell me about him? What is your friendship like? How long have you known each other? Have you been through a traumatic experience together?”

Louis is shocked speechless at her words. It’s a question that seems completely out of left field, yet it’s relevant to him and Harry’s situation, “Wait, why would you ask that?”

“My questions are never random dear. I ask about what I sense”

Louis sits back in his chair, contemplating what he wants to say. He’s trying to decide how much this stranger needs to know about the most important relationship in his life. Louis is extremely protective of his friendship with Harry. He knows many people don’t understand their dynamic, but for them it works (except for the whole unrequited love thing) no one else needs to have a say. He decides to be as vague as possible after all two can play at that game, “Um, well I’ve known Harry since I was 8 and he was 5. I thought he was an annoying kid at first. We didn’t really get close until two years later. Since then we’ve been inseparable. He’s a great guy all around. We’re very close and we tell each other everything, so I’d know if he was having the dreams”

“You say you tell each other everything, but I'm sensing there’s one thing you haven’t told him, but you already know what that is.” She fixes Louis a knowing look as if she said the most profound statement. Louis lets out an exaggerated huff and leans forward, placing his elbows on the table. He can’t believe people buy into this bullshit.

“You know, you’re making really vague statements. It’s not really convincing me that you know what you're talking about,” There’s an edge of frustration making its way into his tone, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t appreciate being taken advantage of, especially when the person taking advantage is charging him 150 pounds an hour.

“My job is not to convince you, Louis, my job is to help you figure out things you already know deep down.” Louis is really regretting every choice that led him here. Why had he thought this was a good idea? 150 pounds to be told what he ‘already knew deep down.’ Bull. Shit.

“Can we get back to the dreams?”


End file.
